My novel, A Child of God deals with the raw emotions of two women connecting on the internet. One, a thirty-five year-old, searching for her biological mother, the other, a fifty-five year old searching for the daughter that she gave up at birth. Before I began writing the novel, I did a great deal of research on that topic, but at the same time I was writing, a close relative decided to try and find his biological parents!
With the help of ancestry.com and prior knowledge regarding the name of his birth mother, he was able to piece together a family tree very quickly. He thought it would be best to contact one of his biological brothers since it might have been too shocking for his elderly parents. A letter was sent through email to his brother explaining the situation and asking if they could possibly send some health information which he needed. However, several weeks went by without any reply. A facilitator then contacted the brother by phone and discussed the situation with him. Unfortunately, the brother said that he would not send any health history and that he wanted no contact at all. The brother did not seem to doubt that the information was true, but was extremely concerned with his family’s privacy and under no circumstances would he give out any health information.
What do you think about the above situation? There are so many sides to every story. I have heard accounts about birth parent’s and birth children’s connections that had very happy endings for all involved. However, there are also many situations that do not end well. One person may feel that their privacy is being invaded, while another may feel a very hurtful rejection. It seems like an ideal situation when both parties are looking for one another and eventually connect. However, one or both, may suffer if the meeting does not go well or the other person does not live up to their expectations. I have heard that many adopted children yearn to know their family history and do not feel complete until they do. Other adopted children say that they have no desire to know about their past.
If you were adopted, or if you have given up a child for adoption, I would love to hear your thoughts and concerns on this topic. Also, for those of you who have made connections with your birth family, I would very much appreciate hearing about your experiences.